You're looking for something that does not, has not, will not, might not or must not exist ...... but you're always welcome to search for it.

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Rating 4.25/5.0
Where 5.0 is a stunning Humphrey Bogart film

Imdb's succinct plot description - A delusional young guy strikes up an unconventional relationship with a doll he finds on the Internet. 

My poetic plot description -

One day in the midst of winters
Pink sweatered Lars goes bonkers
Living in a garage, lonely and sad
Lars orders a sex doll, and what's worse

What's worse? (chorus here please)

Lars think she's his one true girl!
The whole town is shaken and stirred
So they elect the doll to the local school board
And so the story goes, my friends and foes

There are two scenes in Lars and the Real Girl that make you fall in love with movies all over again. The first is the bowling alley scene with Margo and Lars - you can feel Lars' attraction for Margo and not a single word is said, its just shown by the way Lars looks at her and how he bowls badly in the beginning of the scene and how he tries really hard to bowl well at the end of it. How much thought would have gone into making this scene and how quickly would the audience miss it! The second scene is when Lars is talking to his brother Gus (wonderfully enacted by Paul Schneider)...here it goes (thanks to Imdb)


Lars: How'd you know? 
Gus: How'd I know what? 
Lars: That you were a man 
Gus: Ahhh. I couldn't tell ya. 
Lars: Was it... okay, was it sex? 
Gus: Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's uh, yeah, yeah it's kind of - it's uh - no. Well, it's kind of sex but it's not uh, you know? I don't know. I don't know. It's - uh - good question, good question. 
Lars: Yeah, but I have to know 
Gus: [dryer buzzes] Hold that thought. 
Gus: [in basement] You know, you should ask Dagmar 
Lars: I did ask Dagmar. And she said that I should ask you. 
Gus: Okay, you know I can only give you my opinion. 
Lars: That's what we want 
Gus: Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts. 
Lars: Okay, like what? 
Gus: Like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. That's all I can think of, you know - it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not.

Its true. That's when you know you're a man. Highly recommended but not for people who can't stand a slow, moody film.

Imdb link here